A few years ago I read a book called Broken Things. It was a small book that talked about how God could only use something when it was broken. It is a simple but true fact that NOTHING can be used until it is broken. You must break the protective packaging on a bottle of pain reliever in order to find relief. You have to break the shell of an egg to cook or eat it. Likewise the heart must be broken in order to be used by God.
In the past few months I feel as if God is breaking me for something. I can't tell you how many nights I have sat in my bed and asked the same questions over and over with no answer but wait, watch and pray. I thought once I published the book I would be released from this valley. It is close but not done. Just a few weeks and I pray that things will get better. My wonderful friend and Elder Myrtis Brooks told me that this book would be a blessing to so many. When he passed away I lost my zeal to finish the project. I can honestly say things have not been the same since then. I put the book on hold for months. It was paid in full and just sitting on my computer. I think my grief and feelings of loss were stronger than what I knew was the right thing to do.
So now here I am Physically spent, financially drained and emotionally a wreck. I am just a few steps away from having my book in my hand but once again fear has taken over. In the years since I started writing my manuscript many people have published SEVERAL books. I am so afraid my book will not measure up to those who have published before me I feel paralyzed.
Today I think I came to the point of breaking. I am ready to do what I have to do. I can no longer fear what is unknown or what others may think of my writings. Each entry in that book was placed on my heart by God. I also have to honor the memory of the man of God who, when I could not pray for myself stood in the gap for me.
It is my prayer that as you read the pages I have penned you will be blessed. I pray you will find freedom from the bondage of the enemy and see that God is still actively working on your behalf. If one person is blessed by the things I have shared I will feel that what I have done was not in vain. The things I expose are not super scandalous but for me they were hard to share. I am allowing the Lord to break my silence so my words may be used to bless others.
Thank you for reading this post and I pray you will also read the book and it will be a blessing to you to read as it was for me to write.
In His Service
Teresa
